Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
