i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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