I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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