my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
