you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
