when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
