yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
