Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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