no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I did not marry a roomba.
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