True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Princesses don't give blow jobs
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
