ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
