Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
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