that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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