These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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