My girlfriend figured out who you are.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
