Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
