I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Randomize
