Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
