After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
