Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
