my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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