I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
