so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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