he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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