Just mADE A PArabola og urine
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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