Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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