I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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