apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
