do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
