you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
