that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
