HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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