Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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