No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
