Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
