Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
