so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
