just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I want her autograph on my taint
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
