The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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