this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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