it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Randomize
