Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
