hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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