Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Randomize
