I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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