Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
