I wish I only lived at night.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
