He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize