I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
