He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
