Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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