mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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