In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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