I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
