sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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