In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
