Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Im part way to drunk.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
