Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
