About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize