I think I am morally bankrupt
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
