Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
