I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
