Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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