The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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