I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize