she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
