What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Randomize
