I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
