fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
