i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
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