Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
as a side note pls kill me
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
