I'm really into asian looking animals
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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