Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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