So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
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