it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Randomize
