Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
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